May 24, 2011 Drs appt

Well today was an EVENTFUL day! Today Mark and I drove to Lubbock to have our 7 week sono with Dr. Dorsett. We got there and my appointment was at 10:30 .... we had to wait til 11:15!! The suspense was KILLING us!! We get to the room and had to wait another 20 minutes or so!! Mark was about to have a seizure over the wait!! haha ... FINALLY Dr. Dorsett came in and we started the LOOKING process. If anyone of you ladies have had a vaginal sonogram you know that they are the DEVIL!! UGH!!

She got that probe up in there and BAM ... there they were ... 2 little sacks! I said "Oh HELL!" she laughed!! It honestly looks like an alien head with eyes! haha ... She looked and looked ... Baby A had a heart rate of 122 bpm and Baby B had a heart rate of 118 bpm. They will get higher by the next sonogram on June 9. They will be able to be measured as well ... they were very hard to measure because they are SOOOO small. It was like a dot in that big ole sack!

I will try and post the sonogram pic if I can figure it out!! I need to solicit the help of my VERY creative friend Stephanie Drozell!! She has an awesome blog with TONS of pictures and I want to know how she did that!

HOLY CRAP!

CRAP! Its been a month almost since I did a post!! What has happened to me??!

Well ... I am done with school (for the summer at least)! I walked away with a 3.25 GPA ... NOT TOO SHABBY considering all that happened this semester!! I can't believe I am 16 hours from graduation!! HOLY S**T BATMAN!! That just makes me wanna jump for JOY!!

The baby(s) seem to be doing well. We will get to see just how many are in there in ONE WEEK from today!! I am officially 6 weeks pregnant TODAY! I can't believe that I am doing this again!! I look at myself and think .. "WHO AM I?!" haha ... 5 years ago there is no way in HELL that I would have done this for ANY man!! Apparently this one got me all soft and mushy and wormed his way in ... But ... its ok .. I like him. (haha) I seem to have less swelling and don't appear to be too pregnant now ... I believe all those drugs played a BIG part in me looking like I was 6 months already!! I guess that is a GOOD thing since I was about to not be able to fit in my wedding dress!! haha

Speaking of a wedding dress ... I have EXACTLY 74 days until I get married .... EEEEKKK!! I have let the planning go to the wayside because of school and I am not sure what else I need. Got the place, the minister, the party, the reception hall, the flowers, the cake ..... the dresses .... the invites, the rings, the honeymoon (MOST IMPORTANT!!) ... what else is there??? Geez .. time flies when you aren't paying attention EXCEPT when you want to know how many babies there are in the belly!!

I am off to have lunch with Brandan and Piper for their end of the year cookout ... Brandan turns 8 tomorrow ... I am getting old!! VERY VERY OLD! I am now the mother of an 11 year old, an 8 year old and a 6 year old ... and adding more!! CRAP!

Bedrest is for the BIRDS!!!

Well .. I am going cRaZZY!! I hate this bedrest thing. I have accomplished plenty but MAN ... I have a house to maintain, children to take care of .. ya know .. MOM STUFF!! But .. I just have one more day!

I get a blood draw Friday to check my levels of my Progesterone. And ... May 4th we will have our pregnancy test ... It is sooo LONG away!! I am pretty sure I will break before then and do one. But .. then again .. what happens if it comes up negative??! EEK!

So ... That is all I have right now ... I am bored with this bed rest business. But ... It will be over soon!

Babies are IN!

Well ... today was the day!! The babies have been placed ... yes BABIES ... there were 2 put in. We lost 4 in the process. The lab guy said that they "arrested" ... I am assuming that means that they died. Sad ... but ... we still had 7 that were viable!! We placed 2 so that leaves us 5 to freeze.

We were in Lubbock for the transfer at 3 pm and we were out the door by 4:15 pm!! I had to pee so bad by that point. It was AWFUL!! I was so miserable and it is something else to lay with your head down and all your organs heading towards your brain and your bladder full!!

Ok .. so in 5 days I go back for a blood draw and in 10 days I go for the first pregnancy test .... They say that there will be a series of 3 tests to make sure that my levels maintain. We will have a TON of sonos which just thrills me to no end.

I will let you know!!

Updates on the egglets .. I mean EMBRYOS!

Ok .. so Wednesday I got the call for the update on the egglets. They retrieved 12 and 11 fertilized successfully!! That was cool news! That was the news that we wanted to hear at this stage of the game. Not sure what happened to the one that didn't fertilize. I honestly don't know if I want to know!! haha ...

Thursday's call revealed that all 11 divided and were progressing. 1 had 5 cells, 1 had 2 cells, and 9 had 4 cells. This is also good news. Our egglet watcher said that this is EXACTLY where they need to be at this stage and tomorrow will be the big kicker as to who is good and who isn't. All the embryos are mature and of good quality so far.

Friday's call was AWESOME!! All embryos have 6-8 cells and ALL are of good quality!! That means I will have NINE amazing little embryos to donate for someone to have a baby and 2 that will come to me and hopefully take up residence and produce some healthy babies OR baby. Tomorrow we will know what time Sunday we need to be in Lubbock to have the little ones put into the oven for baking!! I can say that I am now honestly TERRIFIED!!!

This whole process has been an amazing experience and I am happy that I agreed to do it for Mark. The whole process has also been SCARY AS HELL for me due to the fact that my children are housebroke and half raised!! The thought of starting over is so scary!! BUT ... I know that it will be good in the end.

I will let you know how the transfer goes .. and in 12 days from Sunday ... we will know if it was successful. Prayers would be fantastic. Thanks all!!

Drs appointment 04/19/11

Well .. today was eviction day for the egglets. That was very exciting for us! I think Mark was VERY excited to finally be in the final stages but he was also very worried about me as well. They retrieved 12 egglets today and they were classified as healthy and mature. YEAH! We plan to donate the remaining embroys so that someone else can have a baby!!

The little egglets are hanging out in the spermie pool for the next 24 hours and then I believe they are moved to an incubator type thing so that they can imitate the "womb" until they are ready to be transplanted. Which seems to be scheduled for Easter Sunday. That is just so cool!!

I will get updates daily about the progress of my egglets (embryos). The lab guy is really REALLY knowledgeable about what he does and he told us that he will be in contact daily and he will let us know how the little ones are doing.

I will let all know tomorrow what the lab guy says ...

12 hours .. and yes .. Mark IS counting!

Well .. in 12 hours I am evicting these eggs!! We are a go for a 7 am retrival in Lubbock. I am freaking terrified but Mark of course is counting the minutes!! I will be OUT for the procedure (THANK GOD because there is NO way that I could be still knowing that she has a needle up my whoo hoo and is poking things in there!!)

We will know Wednesday if the fertilization process took. We will get a call everyday updating us on the process of our little embryos. So ... in about 14 hours my little eggs will be freely swimming in spermies!! haha .. SORRY!! I just HAD to!!

Ok .. that is all for me tonight because I am hitting the bed. 4 am is MIGHTY early for this cow and I am needing some sleep so that I am not all crazy tomorrow. Nighty!

Weekend of appointments

Well .. this weekend we spent the entire weekend in Lubbock for EARLY morning appointments on Saturday and Sunday. Yes, a fertility clinic is open 7 days a week. The egglets don't care what day it is ... they just do their thing and we just go with it.

To start the weekend, we got to Lubbock Friday night for our appointment at the crack of dawn Saturday. We stayed in a Holiday Inn that had the WORST service we have EVER experienced. The lady at the front just set the tone for that stay and it didn't end well. So we went to our appointment and had my little (HUGE) egglets measured and they were all within range of being ready ... We went back to the room to await our phone call to see what the verdict was for going home OR staying another night. The phone call came with the news of another night and we would be back to the office on Sunday morning. By now I am REALLY feeling the fullness of HUGE ovaries and I am pretty uncomfortable. I am REALLY trying to not complain about it but sometimes I just can't help it. It really HURTS and is constantly uncomfortable. Mark takes it with a grain of salt and we move on.

We checked into a new Holiday Inn that was MUCH better. We had a nice dinner and went back to the room and chilled out. We got up and went to my appointment Sunday morning and I hear the "You are READY!!" .... WHat??? WAIT!! Ummm ...... CRAP!! All my little egglets have reached their needed size, some are over achievers and got REALLY big!! I have one that is 20 mm!! That is the one that seems to be causing me so much discomfort! So .. this is what is gonna happen.

I am NO LONGER taking all the shots!! WHOO HOO!! I am only taking the Lupron and the HcG tonight! That makes me SUPER happy!! Then tomorrow (Monday) I have to be back in Lubbock for an 11 am appointment and they will draw my levels and we will discuss Tuesday morning. I have to be at the office at 7 am .... UGH! Talk about EARLY!! I am thinking that we will stay the night in Lubbock again tomorrow night. 4 am is too early for us!! We will be going in for the retrival process... the start of the process of being pregnant. I am about to crap myself. This was such an easy and fast process!! I am kinda panicky now.

I am sent home with STRICT orders of a HIGH salt diet for the next month due to my estrogen levels being REALLY high (hyperstimulation) so I am on a NEW pill ($125.00) worth of a pill ... UGH ... for 8 days ... it helps with the hyperstimulation and apparently the high salt diet counteracts the situation inside so that I don't swell up like a whale. Kinda different than what you usually hear about high salt. But .. ok.

Tuesday the actual egglets with the little egg inside will come out ... I will be out of it so I won't be able to tell you how it happens. I get VERSED!! WHOO HOO! So ... We will have the retrival on Tuesday and five days later (which you start counting Tuesday as day zero) will be Easter Sunday. That is just the coolest. THEN .... According to the cool little wheel ... it sets us at 38 weeks on December 27 (Mark's birthday) and 40 weeks on January 10 (My birthday is the 9th) ... So ... I am voting for New Year's!! That would be super neat! Maybe this is a sign that this is just how things are supposed to be.

I have said that I am a little SCARED and that I am a little excited and HUGELY overwhelmed with all this ... BUT ... THe way Mark is so excited and the look on his face ALMOST makes the scared okay. He has been the most supportative and the most INCREDIBLE about all this. He tells me everyday that he appreciates and loves me more for the fact that I am doing this for him. I really can't think of a person that I would do this for more than him. I can't wait to marry this man and makes us a REAL LIVE famiy!!

The next update I will have will be when we know for sure that we are pregnant. I have a way that I want to tell everyone. And we aren't telling ANYONE until we have valid proof that the baby or babies are ok and that we will be able to sustain the pregnancy. My kids won't even know until then ... how do I go back and tell them that something went wrong?! Know what I mean??!

Until then folks ... I will have more blogs ... I am going to write one on what Mark and I have learned in this process. I want his side of the thoughts too!! Have a FANTASTIC Easter and if I may ask ... Please say prayers for a successful transfer and prayers for my nerves!!

LOVE!

HOLY CRAP!!

HOLY CRAP!! I am sooooo freaking out now!! I went to the doctor today (Mom, Tate and I) and those little egglets are growing so fast and furious!! So .. with that being said ... I have to be back tomorrow at the crack of dawn. I am pretty sure this little retrival will take place Monday morning. I am ok with that!! I am ready for these things to be out of my poor little ovary! I am feeling the fullness more and more everyday!

So .. if this little retrival takes place Monday ... 5 days later with the countdown starting on Tuesday will mean that we will have the transfer done on Saturday, possibly Easter Sunday. That just scares the ever lovin hell out of me. This is getting so close and so real that I REALLY want to say "WAIT!!!" .... But ... seeing the way that Mark is getting about it makes me want to just get it done so that he can have the pregnancy experience.

I have been having twin dreams lately. That scares me a bit but he REALLY REALLY REALLY wants twin boys. I have 3 names that I am just in love with ... One being a girl and two boys names. I just know that since I have 3 names, that means that I will have to use them all. TRIPLETS???!! OMG!! Admit me STRAIGHT to the crazy bin! DO NOT PASS GO AND DO NOT COLLECT $200!! WOW!! That will be an experience!!

With all that said ... I really should be praying for HEALTHY babies, baby ... whatever ... It is just so hard to grasp this at this moment.

04/13 Doctors appointment

Another egglet check today ... It is down to the wire so I am going every 2 days now ... I have 8 little egglets in each ovary and I am starting to feel the "fullness" and it is quite uncomfortable. I notice it more when my bladder is full and well ... during times that no one wants to hear about ... haha!

Dr. Dorsett seems to think that we will be doing our retrival on Tuesday next week ... then 5 days later .. it will be the transfer!! HOLY SHIT!! In a WEEK I will be getting pregnant!! Talk about some damn anxiety!! Talk about wanting to talk myself out of this!! haha ...

As for some of the most awesomeness news I got today .... My good friend and bridesmaid, Tiffani, IS FINALLY PREGNANT!!! They have been trying for 2 years and have month after month of disappointment ... and she had a positive test today!! OH HOW I LOVE THIS!! That makes TWO pregnant girls that will be standing by my side on that day!! WOW!! Talk about hormones running CRAZY!! I am so VERY excited for her!! And even more exciting that we can do this pregnant thing together!! LOVE IT!!

I will update after our appointment Friday .... I am sure I will be FREAKING out by that point!!

04/11 Dr's appointment

Went to Lubbock today for an egglet check and a blood draw! These little egglets are growing and it is sooooo weird to see 8 little egglets in one little ovary! But ... I guess it is a good thing because my sweet nurse Carolyn talks to them like they are doing so good! haha ... Mark didn't get to go to this appt. so she sent me home with "Egglet pictures". It is really cool looking.

I had to have a change of meds today because one of my levels was too high and they need to slow the progress down so that I don't rupture my eggs before they are ready ... that would be bad! I would have to start over and if you read my last blog ... UMMM HELL NO!! I really don't think I could do this again!! FOR ANYONE!! These damn shots hurt and man oh man ... I am HATING it! But ... I will keep a positive attitude because I only have SEVEN more days ... and the plus side is ... I AM DONE WITH MY PERIODS FOREVER!!

I will try and scan the sono picture of my egglets so you can see them ... it is pretty neat!

Reason to celebrate!!

Well ... I have to say there is one thing about this whole process that I am suPER stoked about ... I just finished my VERY LAST period!! I am thinking I will have a party! Just trying think of a theme!!

On another note ... I am on day 3 of FOUR injections and I can honestly say RIGHT now that this shit is for the birds!! I HATE those shots!! They HURT like a MOMMA when they go in. One in particular is SUPER thick and the only place to put it is in my belly ... OMG! Last night I couldn't even bend over it was so tender! But ... just 8 more days ..... JUST 8 MORE!

I go back to Lubbock tomorrow for my 2nd egglet check and a blood draw .... Mom and Tate are going because Mark has to go on a trip. I hope that she tells me that everything is moving along nicely because I REALLY don't want to increase any of these meds! According to our calendar ... I could "conceive" on Easter Sunday .... That is kinda cool. We shall see!!

04/04 Doctor's appointment

Today was my first appointment to check my levels and egg situation since I started the injections. My levels were good which means they didn't have to increase or decrease my Lupron ... (thank God!) and my eggs ... well ... I have EIGHT in each ovary and they are right now ... 4 mm ... they will end up being 18 mm ... which means ... I am gonna be FULL! My sweet nurse told me that I will know because my ovaries will let me know that they are full and that they are ready to get rid of those little (actually LARGE) egglets!

And for Mark ... he has been termed as having SUPER SPERM! haha ... He likes that title! I am not sure how they count those little suckers but the criteria for IVF is 40 million sperm ... well .. he has 216 million ... so I am pretty sure that he has a sufficient amount to get this done ... I am thinking that this won't be a problem!! Now .. I am sweet talking this uterus of mine to take the first time BECAUSE we don't have the funding to do it again ... and I am getting to old!!

I start the other 3 injections on Friday .... it could be interesting ... I will have A LOT of hormones floating around in me at that time ....... but getting closer!

Injections

I am sorry that this is late ...

We are on day 5 of the LUPRON injection. Pretty much the purpose of Lupron in MY situation here is to basically throw my body into a temporary form of menopause so that my ovaries will make a lot of eggs and keep them in the ovary. I go tomorrow for the first sonogram so that we can see how I am reacting to the injection. I am curious to see if I am FULL of eggs!! haha ...

So far I am not having too bad of side effects. My boobs are more than sore, I have gained about 10 pounds and I am about to have to start some shopping for bigger tops and bras to accomodate these boobs that I have managed to sprout in the last 2 weeks!!

It is interesting how I am feeling to tell you the truth! I HATE shots!! But Mark is pretty damn good on sticking me. I may have a different tune about it by next week after I am stuck FOUR different times a day .. UGH!

One more day ...

I have about 36 hours until I start injections. I will start the Loupron tomorrow night! I am terrified of what this is going to do to me!! haha ... I am just a chicken really! But at the same time it makes it all REAL.

I vented the other day to my mom about how people think it's funny to tell me that I am going to have 4 or more babies. I am REALLY not finding the humor in that simply because we don't have the SPACE nor the MONEY for 4 or more babies. To me it is not realistic and the thought TRULY scares the HELL out of me. For people to find humor in it kinda .. well .. it pisses me off. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and don't appreciate those that have said it over and over to me. But .. that is just me. I am TRULY ok with twins. REALLY OK with just one. But I guess we shall see what the plan is.

I am sure it is just nerves and the surge of hormones that I am getting but come on now ... really??! So .. that is my vent for the day ... I will update on the injections. I am kinda curious as to what they are going to do to me and I will also let you know what each drug is and what it is supposed to do. I have to research that first!! haha .. I don't remember much about fertility drugs!

Have a great, drizzly day!!

Update on visit #1 to the Fertility Clinic

Today was pretty uneventful. We went and I had blood drawn and OF COURSE had to pee in a cup. Yippee!! I guess I better get used to it considering I will be doing it SOON for about 9 months!

We had a battery of tests done today. She measured the "curve" of my cervix. That was interesting. She did a "test run" on the transfer process. They put a catheter like thing in there and see how far she has to go to reach the destination where the baby(s) will be placed. THEN .. she filled my uterus up with saline to make sure that it was all smooth and nothing weird was there ... like a polyp.

She did a biopsy of the lining. She said that they do that to check for infection because most women have no idea that they have an infection on their uterine lining. I found that INTERESTING!! THEN .. holy HELL .. she "scuffed up" the lining and I have to say .. IT HURT!! It was a weird cramping feeling. She said that makes the lining richer and more vascular for the baby to attach nicely.

We start injections on Wednesday. This part scares me a little. I am about to LOAD up on hormones so that is scary!! Poor Mark and childrens!!

We are targeted to have the transfer at the end of the April. I REFUSE to announce whether it was successful until I see babies on a monitor and I know that they are ok. So .. Until we have that and until the parents know ... I will hold off on that announcement.

LOVES!! Prayers please ... I am really nervous about this!!

Funny how things happen ...

Ok so ... I am whining about money ... So I went and bought lottery tickets ... I was asleep before I saw the numbers so I had to check this morning!! WE GOT 4 OUT OF THE 5 NUMBERS!! HOLY SHIT BATMAN!! Talk about NERVOUS BREAKDOWN!! Had I megaplied ... we would be $600 richer .. but I didn't so it is $150 but hey ... that's $150 MORE than I had yesterday!! So .. now I am saving up to buy more for Friday and maybe that miracle will happen ... Do you know what I can do with $304 MILLION dollars??? I have HUGE plans for it!! I must win it first but I know that several people and a few churches would be super stoked to see me!!

Anywho ... We are facing having to put off the IVF because we at the moment do NOT have the funding available. This saddens me greatly because I was actually looking forward to being pregnant again ... I am afraid if we put it off to long ... it will not happen. I am getting older ya know .. not to mention that "woman issues" I have ... it makes things hard!

We shall see ... Prayers for funding would be appreciated!

Friends

It is so hard to read the blogs of friends that are having traumatic issues in their lives but at the same time, she is embracing it and making the best of it. She is MY age ... she has cancer AGAIN ... this time ... treatable but not curable .... I can NOT imagine her fear or her mind at this moment. I would need SERIOUS psychiatric help.

This is when you look back and wish you had made more of an effort to be a better friend. This is when you look back and think about all the things in your life that you bitched about and took for granted. She is facing her future day by day and I am bitching about the amount of money it is gonna take to have a baby. She wants another baby but can't because she will be on chemo soon.

There are things in life that just make you sit down and SHUT UP!

Renee, if you read this ... I am praying for you ... I am praying for a day that you don't have to worry about this cancer crap. I am praying that you have ultimate healing! I am praying for your precious family!!

Treatment

This IVF stuff is INSANELY expensive!! Holy TOLEDO!! The amount of money I am just handing out BETTER produce me a baby!! I am about to have heart failure!!

Whew .. ok .. I feel better!! We started "Treatment" last week and I know now why I do NOT take birth control pills .. UGH! They make me soooo nauseated and not to mention the headaches. But ... just a few more days THEN I get to shoot myself FULL of hormones and subject myself to 3 times a week lab draws and sonograms.

We go to meet with the doctor in Lubbock Thursday morning and we will get more answers then BUT it is looking like I will have my embryo transfer on or ABOUT April 25th. That is just terrifying for me to say out loud!! As we all know .. I am the one that REALLY thinks about this kind of stuff and there is a chance that I can have NO children, ONE child, TWO children, THREE children OR FOUR children!! OMG!! Talk about ANXIETY!!! Mark would be TICKLED with 2 or 3 ... He is CRAZY!! I REALLY would be ok with just one ... two is a stretch .. but .. I am doing this for him because he has none of his own and I think that since I am physically able to carry a child then I should do that for him .......... WOW .. did that just SERIOUSLY come out of my mouth??! (haha).

I will update as we go ... I am scared to death!! But .... If it is meant to be that WE have a child or childrens together then .. SO BE IT! It is a little different for me CONSIDERING he is wanting to be all kinds a part of this ... He WANTS the kids and he is WILLING to help ... That is just a foreign thing for me!! But ... that just makes me LOVE him even more!!

WHOO HOO!

A new start ...

It has been a while since I have posted anything ... So I'll update all that I can!!

It seems that I have been blessed with a new start at life! I have been with Mark for almost 2 years now and we are planning a wedding for July 30, 2011 AND I have started the INVITRO process!! If all goes well ... we will have our embryo transfer done on or about April 25th. This is both exciting and scary as CRAP for me!! My kids are housebroke and half raised ... starting over is soooo scary for me. BUT ... I am excited because Mark has no children of his own and I believe that if it is in our plan, then he shall become a father!!

Other than that ... we are all happy, healthy and moving right along!! I will keep all updated on the baby thing and as we get closer to the wedding!! I am excited for this year!!